The Longest Yard

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The Longest Yard (27-May-2005)

Director: Peter Segal

Writer: Sheldon Turner

Music by: Teddy Castellucci

Producer: Jack Giarraputo

Keywords: Sports Comedy, Football, Prison

Former NFL quarterback Paul Crewe is convicted of DUI and will spend his 3 year prison sentence at a prison where the warden requested him by name. Warden Hazen wants him to coach the inmates' football team; specifically, Hazen wants the team coached such that they will lose against the guards. Crewe refuses, but after various coercions, agrees, and one can correctly surmise what follows. Remake of The Longest Yard (1974) which is a pale shadow of the original, but will probably be acceptable fare for anyone who feels Adam Sandler can plausibly be cast as a quarterback.

Name Occupation Birth Death Known for

Stone Cold Steve Austin Wrestling 18-Dec-1964 Pro wrestler

Chris Berman Sports Journalist 10-May-1955 Sportscaster on ESPN

Bizarre Musician 5-Jul-1976 Girl chill out that shit came from my soul

Brian Bosworth Football 9-Mar-1965 The Boz

Patrick Bristow Actor 26-Sep-1962 Peter Barnes on Ellen

Edward Bunker Author 31-Dec-1933 19-Jul-2005 Animal Factory

Allen Covert Actor 13-Oct-1964 Grandma's Boy

Terry Crews Actor 30-Jul-1968 Everybody Hates Chris

James Cromwell Actor 27-Jan-1940 Babe, L.A. Confidential

William Fichtner Actor 27-Nov-1956 Agent Mahone on Prison Break

Bill Goldberg Wrestling 27-Dec-1966 Pro wrestler

The Great Khali Wrestling 27-Aug-1972 WWE wrestler

DeShaun Holton Rapper 2-Oct-1975 11-Apr-2006 D-12

Michael Irvin Football 5-Mar-1966 Dallas Cowboys #88 wide receiver

David Patrick Kelly Actor 23-Jan-1951 The Warriors

Kon Artis Rapper 7-Dec-1978 D-12

Kuniva Rapper 10-Dec-1976 D-12

Ed Lauter Actor 30-Oct-1940 16-Oct-2013 Character actor

Cloris Leachman Actor 30-Apr-1926 Phyllis and The Facts of Life

Tracy Morgan Actor 10-Nov-1968 Saturday Night Live

Kevin Nash Wrestling 9-Jul-1959 WCW wrestler, turned actor

Nelly Rapper 2-Nov-1974 Hot In Herre

Burt Reynolds Actor 11-Feb-1936 6-Sep-2018 Moustached Cannonball Run actor

Chris Rock Comic 7-Feb-1965 Everybody Hates Chris

Bill Romanowski Football 2-Apr-1966 Abusive NFL linebacker

Jim Rome Radio Personality 14-Oct-1964 Jim Rome is Burning

Adam Sandler Comic 9-Sep-1966 The Wedding Singer, SNL alumnus

Rob Schneider Comic 31-Oct-1963 Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

Swift Rapper 17-Mar-1976 D-12

Nicholas Turturro Actor 29-Jan-1962 Detective Martinez on NYPD Blue

CAST

Adam Sandler ... Paul Crewe
Chris Rock ... Caretaker
James Cromwell ... Warden Hazen
Nelly ... Megget
William Fichtner ... Capt. Knauer
David Patrick Kelly ... Unger
Tracy Morgan ... Ms. Tucker
Cloris Leachman ... Lynette
and
Burt Reynolds ... Coach Nate Scarborough
Michael Irvin ... Deacon Moss
Bill Romanowski ... Guard Lambert
Brian Bosworth ... Guard Garner
Terry Crews ... Cheeseburger Eddy
Nicholas Turturro ... Brucie
Bill Goldberg ... Battle
Kevin Nash ... Guard Engleheart
Stone Cold Steve Austin ... Guard Dunham
Bob Sapp ... Switowski
Steve Reevis ... Baby Face Bob
Lobo Sebastian ... Torres
The Great Khali ... Turley
Joey "Coco" Diaz ... Big Tony
Edward Bunker ... Skitchy Rivers
Michael Papajohn ... Guard Papajohn
Conrad Goode ... Guard Webster
Brandon Molale ... Guard Malloy
Todd Holland ... Guard Holland
Walter Williamson ... Errol Dandridge
Allen Covert ... Referee
Rob Schneider ... Punky
Chris Berman ... Announcer (Himself)
Jim Rome ... Himself
Patrick Bristow ... Walt
Lauren Sanchez ... Herself
Dan Patrick ... Officer Jack Pugh
Christopher Neiman ... Big Ear Cop
Ed Lauter ... Duane
Sean Salisbury ... Vic
Rob "Revolution" Moore ... Gavin
Big Boy ... Jesse
Michael H. Goodwyn ... Con Transvestite
Ray Stoney ... Con Transvestite
Michael Silas ... Con Transvestite
Andre Fuentes ... Con Transvestite
Lonnie Henderson ... Con Transvestite
Asiel Hardison ... Con Transvestite
Colin Kim ... Con Transvestite
Mark Ellis ... Stretcher Guy
Tim Crowley ... Umpire
Kon Artis ... Basketball Convict
Bizarre ... Basketball Convict
DeShaun Holton ... Basketball Convict
Kuniva ... Basketball Convict
Swift ... Basketball Convict
Bryan Burwell ... Sportswriter
Sam Farmer ... Sportswriter
Jay Glazer ... Sportswriter
Peter King ... Sportswriter
John McClain ... Sportswriter
Adam Schefter ... Sportswriter
Larry Weisman ... Sportswriter
Marc S. Ganis ... Lorenzo
Shane Ralston ... Bradlee
Jenae Altschwager ... Party Guest
Candace Juleff ... Party Guest
Bryan Ross ... Party Guest
Ricardo J. King ... Press Box Technician
Stink Fisher ... Cafeteria Prisoner
Jasper Pendergrass ... Cafeteria Prisoner
Sean McNamara ... Cafeteria Prisoner
Robert Harvey ... Cafeteria Guard
Eric Chmielecki ... Guard Sniper
Denise Marie Jerome ... Guard Cheerleader
Jaayda McClanahan ... Guard Cheerleader
Tara Wilson ... Guard Cheerleader
Rachel Saydak ... Guard Cheerleader
Cara-Lee Knodel ... Guard Cheerleader
Nora Hassan ... Guard Cheerleader
John Hockridge ... Guard Hock

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